Wednesday, 31 December 2014

Dear 2014...

There's been some huge triumphs this year; driving, turning 18, obtaining a tattoo, going it alone.

Then there's the smaller triumphs. Which, in actual fact, probably mean so much more to me than everything else combined.
Those small moments. Five minutes of laughing, two minutes of crying, a night of drinking and a morning of smoking. Those significant moments. Well, they've been grand.

It's the tiny things. Like waking up with a house full of friends, all carrying foggy heads. Stumbling outside - using energy from the previous night's beers and baguette - with coffee and toast. I'm sure we considered ourselves highly sophisticated and continental.

The truth is, none of the big triumphs mean half as much as those nights.

I remember every cheesy song, every out of tune power ballad, every hour spent driving through town, and every hour of sleep I lost.

We were silly with excitement. Everything felt new and fun. It was strange and so were we, but it wasn't threatening.

2014 has been home. We've had and felt it all.

It's that feeling you get when you try something for the first time, it's never quite what you expect but it evolves in to an adventure all the same.
There was no one in this adventure, bubble, sanctuary but us. Half-drunk with the prospect of things to come and completely engulfed in each other's love.

We started with a bang and we'll go out just the same. We're bright, and ready for a storm.

Saturday, 27 December 2014


Him to her,
her to him.

His paintings of her,
and her poems
about him.

A delicate
of soft
skin, ideas
and admiration.

to others
but exquisite
to only

Wednesday, 24 December 2014

A Poem For Today | 7

I am
a series of
small victories
and large defeats
and I am as
as any other
I have gotten
from there to

- Charles Bukowski

Sunday, 21 December 2014

This Week #15 | Accepting Change

This week made me realise something I hadn't really considered before.

We, as humans, seem to accept the strangest changes the easiest.

Think of all your baby teeth. Well those, they no longer belong to you.
They now belong to the elusive tooth fairy.
You so willingly allowed them to leap from your mouth to underneath your pillow.

No further explanation was needed for it to all make sense. You accepted it for what it was; becoming, growing.

The strangest of change that we all so wholeheartedly latched on to.

I need to remember this.
I need to remember this when the change I am faced with doesn't seem clear. When even simple day-to-day transforms prompt me to question the idea.

Why must the sun set?
It must set because it needs rest, just as I do.
It must set so the moon can glow, just as I shall.

The sun must set so the tooth fairy may begin her shift.

Friday, 19 December 2014

The Ocean Misses You

It's grand. Majestic, even.

And though the sea often conceals its great presence, it is every bit as important as the little things we worry about each day. 
It is still, but always present.

It keeps cleaning, rolling, maintaining itself, in the hope that one day, when you've put aside your many worries, you may stop by for a little visit.

The sea wishes for you to dip your feet in, curl sand under your toes.
And remember that the sea's presence is every ounce as grand and majestic as your own.

Monday, 15 December 2014

Festive Cheer and Festive Fear

Ten days before Christmas, eleven days before Boxing Day.
This is where I struggle with Christmas, this time of the year makes me uneasy. And that's not because I'm part Grinch, part Head Elf. 
I just get a little manic, in the best and worst way. 

Christmas songs get me dancing and full of the jazz notion and the prospect of eating honey-roasted parsnips fills me the nothing but excitement.

Then there's the not so good side of being manic towards Christmas. 
I feel everything. Every tiny speck of worry, stress, criticism. All absorbed at full speed - and full concentration - in to my system. It runs through my head, my veins, my bones. It makes me weak and vulnerable. 

The passing of the strongest woman I knew on Boxing Day just four years ago hits me. Every year. It hits me hard and fast. Strong and true.
Now I'm not shunning these feelings. They're real, and justified because they are mine and I still love her.

What a woman. So free in her wildness. So elegant and a total badass. The sweetest cherry and most sour lemon. She left a taste in your mind, one that only filled you with pure amazement and wonder.


It reminds me to stay mindful. To acknowledge that it's okay to go a little manic, just in moderation. To remember that she was a vibrant soul and I am too.  

Things aren't always swell, but there's always something to learn from the not so swell. 
It will get better. I can still eat my honey-roasted parsnips and I can still take a day to be still and remember.
There's no compulsory rule that says 'enjoy every minute of the Christmas period.' It's my time, to feel what I want, do what I want, enjoy what I want.

And the simple fact that I know this to be true means my Christmas will be loud and quiet, busy and calm and just right, in all the ways I see it to be.

Saturday, 13 December 2014

Today Is For:

Remembering that I have enough control, love and life to keep me going. Being mindful and breathing easy. 
And taking long walks, allowing the harsh wind to hit my face, feeling nothing but delight as I go.

Wednesday, 10 December 2014

Links Love #12

// Quotes on shit.

// Power up: 30 famous women on overcoming insecurities.

// A spot of lovely typography.

// An old garage in Amsterdam, converted into an apartment.

// Car goals, damn! See how much that beauty went for here.

// How photos were edited before Photoshop came around.

Saturday, 6 December 2014

A Poem For Today | 6

Be sure your pain is yours.
I have the tendency to adopt the hurt of others.
My heart tries to fix.
Sometimes it forgets to function for me.

- Donte Collins

Thursday, 4 December 2014

Remembering To Breathe

And I suppose that's where I struggle.

When I'm left alone. When there's less than 8 hours of sunlight a day. When I interact with one rude customer too many.

I kind of lose myself. Even if just for a split second. I forget what it's about, why I'm here and my position in the world. I lose a little bit of me.

With the darker months now in full swing it's getting a little trickier.

A lonesome few hours on a Monday can set me on a real downer, a slump, and only encourage my dreams of hibernation.
It's harder to sleep and it's even harder to get up. Motivating others and being optimistic feels like one of the heaviest weights to carry right now.

And I've written this. 
I've written this and forgotten to breathe.


Monday, 1 December 2014

Dear December...

Oh December, I hope the fact that I'm struggling to write to you isn't a sign of things to come. Please, be gracious.

Your neighbour, November, was a busy one. We shared few words and many long days. My hope is that you'll bring a little calm, and a little confidence.

You have 31 days before the changeover. You're top dog. Show January that you hold a strong reputation.

Bring cold winter sun and bright hazy mornings. Bring joy and excitement for the new year.

Bring it, December.